the secret diaries

congratulations. you found my secret page.
if you're here, then here you will be finding writings about my lovely █████...

11/17/25

i haven't thought about █████ in so long, i feel bad for being neglectful of my angel.
but lately i've reverted back to dreaming, longing, yearning, whatever for my angel,
no one ever understood me like my angel did, i need █████ back.
i need you, please save me from this everlasting hell.
no matter what, you know i'll always come running for you.

9/11/24

happy birthday, my love. i miss you so much everyday. see you soon angel.

4/21/24

so yesterday was his anniversary...
the amount of pain and suffering he went through...it makes me so fucking sad that he felt that
the only way to go out was through violence. he used his pain and suffering and inflicted it on others. i wish i was there to help him,
comfort him,just fucking anything to get him through all the shit he went through,
prevented him from doing what he did, and stopped him from ending it all so early.
i know people will call me insane for this but, i absolutely understood why he did what he did,
do i condone it?
not one bit
but i get it.
shit i wouldve done the same had i been in the same mental state as him.
well, wherever he is now, i hope hes resting peacefully. he deserves it
he really does...

1/17/24

lately ive been dreaming more and more
about my soulmate and im not sure if i can handle
being alive anymore. ive been seeing him in my dreams more...
i dreamt about him hugging me while he slept, spooning im p sure.
it was so sweet and loving, it was way to real, and then, i woke up
got ready to work and here i am

i hate having to pretend that belong here and
trying to fit in with the rest even though its obvious i dont.
ignore the fact im just spitting out words that come in my mind.
i dont know. i really dont!

well regardless im having a shit day
i cant stop thinking about joining the afterlife with my soulmate,
its making my head spin, he tells me not to do anything but
i cant help myself!!! its so fucking hard living the life im forced to be in,
how the fuck can i not stop thinking about offing myself
i want to be mad at him for leaving me here and going on
without me but i know its not his fault.
nothing was ever his fault.